Monday, April 28, 2008

It seems only yesterday when I graduated in college. I can still remember that moment when I went up on stage and received my medal. I was too excited then to face another chapter of my life which is law school.

Since child, I wanted to be a lawyer. I wanted to build a foundation that will advocate women and children’s rights. I wanted to make a name in the world of politics. I wanted to make a difference. And these things had inspired me to pursue my dream.

When I was about to enter law school, I had a hard time deciding whether to be a full time student or not. There were career opportunities then and I yearned to grab everything. Fear about my future was my major concern. What if I will not have those kinds of opportunities again? Being a lawyer doesn’t always mean success and having much. Thought half-hearted, I followed the advice of the people around me. I enrolled as a full time student.

During my first days in law school, I missed working. But as days passed, I learned to forget my desire to work. I concentrated all my energy and time on my studies. Little by little, my perception about law school changed. I recognized its real meaning.

Law school is never easy. Most of the time, it is frustrating and disappointing. Nevertheless, I love it. It hones my skills and attitude. Through it, I discover things about myself and life.

Law school is a source of new insights and realizations. It mirrors what it is to journey life. It is not only about laws and their application. It is also about life!

One of the greatest things I have learned from it is learning to accept the true value of frustrations and failures. It’s a fact to everyone that law students spend sleepless nights in order to be prepared for recitations and exams. However, most of the time, our efforts seem to be useless. In my case, I spend the whole day reading and studying. But there are times that I cannot satisfactorily answer my professors. During exams, I cannot get the grades I want. Worst, I get failing grades.

Whenever I experience those things, I end up getting disappointed. Sometimes, I just wanted to give-up. Law school, however, taught me to be strong in facing failures. It made me recognize the essence of failures in our lives.

A friend once told me that in the game of life, what matters are not the times we win but the times we carry ourselves when we fall. In life, we cannot always end victorious. We have to go through certain failures and frustrations in order to learn. It is through failing that we can recognize our own weaknesses and limitations.

Nevertheless, failing does not mean an end. It is just a start of a new beginning, a new chance. Unless we learn the true essence of failures, we will not succeed in life. No good will happen if we will just succumb to life’s disappointments. Life goes on! Instead of giving up, we have to strive harder and persevere more.

Law school has given me a lot of challenges that tested my faith and capabilities. I admit that there were times I felt I want to give-up my dream. There were those times I regret choosing law over the various opportunities offered to me for I never felt any sense of fulfillment. It is tiring and too difficult. Given these, however, I still ended up loving it. It has played a big role in shaping me as a person.

I’m an incoming second year student. There is still a long road ahead of me. I will still undergo tremendous storms and challenges. But I am not afraid to continue my journey in law school. My dream is just within my grasp and I’m willing to take every storm it may give to make that dream come true.

Love conquers all?

The story provided below was made last year. I once posted this in my friendster account but I deleted it because of someone's request. I don't want to cause harm in posting this. I just want to share my story hoping that it can give some inspiration or warning to those who would be able read it.
I'm already okay. Gradually, I'm learning to move on. It still hurts. But I know time can heal whatever pain I'm going through. It takes times... I know it will happen soon...
“LOVE CONQUERS ALL?”

Love conquers all, a worn-out line about love. Does love really conquer all? Is love an enough reason for love stories to have happy endings? These questions have been running in my mind for how many years. Unfortunately, fortunately though, I have found the answers to my questions from a painful experience.

People often say that love will always find its way to have happy endings. I beg to disagree... I’ve been journeying in this life for twenty years and I have gone through a lot of challenges and difficulties. I have experienced the feeling of being in love. I have loved and been loved. With these experiences, I could say that not all love stories have happy endings. Love is not a sufficient reason for couples to end up together. (Sounds bitter? Forgive me but perhaps some will agree with me.) My last relationship best supports my argument. We both believe that our love for each other will conquer all the complexities that will come along our way. Sad to say, we were wrong.

My love story is like a fairy tale story- full of challenges and difficulties. Unlike all fairy tale stories, mine did not have a happy ending… My love story started when I had my internship in one of the government institutions of this country. He was one of my supervisors. My research assignments in the legislative department paved way for love to kindle between us. When my internship has ended, we started exchanging messages and calls. During those times, I never thought that I will be in love with him… Until one day, we decided to go on date.

It was a simple date but full of fond memories. Actually, whenever I think of it, I can’t help but to smile and cherish the memories. I will never forget that day for it was the time when I knew him better -- his secrets, life’s sufferings and a lot more.

Love has totally developed… On June 14, 2006, we decided to put things in the right place. Despite the fact that we belonged to two different worlds (He’s a Muslim, I am a Christian), we decided to formally enter into a commitment or a relationship.

He was a sweet, loving and caring boyfriend. I could not explain the happiness I felt during those times I was with him. (I hope he also felt the same) The smooth flow of our relationship did not stay that long. Problems had started coming, one of which is the bar exam. But the most intricate among these was when he was made to stop communicating with me by his parents. He was an obedient son. For almost a month and a half, there was no communication. I was sending e-mail messages to him, hoping that he’ll get to read them. Unluckily, I did not receive any reply…

I was clueless then if he will be coming back. I kept on waiting until one day, he came back… The love story continued but not that long…

Two weeks after his coming, he broke my heart again. He has decided to follow what his family wants. He gave up the relationship. When I heard about this, it seems that I’m carrying the whole world on my shoulders. It was so painful and heartbreaking… I did not have any choice but to accept and move-on.

Moving on was not that easy for both of us. Everyday was a constant struggle to forget the pain and find healing. We have tried our very best to go on with our lives. But our hearts had been so insistent to be together again. After months of loneliness and sadness, we found ourselves still in love with one another. So, we decided to have another try despite the uncertainties and obstacles our relationship may bring.

Our last try lasted for six months. During those months, I thought we can already be victorious to rise above everything and everyone. It was a perfect relationship for me. It was a relationship that molded me to be a better and stronger person. It was something that brought out the best in me.

June 2, 2007, twelve days before our anniversary, everything has really found its end. I received a message from him which says “Nagkamali ako. Hindi kita minahal. I was just playing. Really. Don’t take it seriously.” I grew numb upon reading this message. I do not know what to feel and what to do. Questions started coming into my mind. Was he really the one who texted me? Why did he do that to me? Did he ever love me? These questions are still in my mind. I am hoping that one day, the answers will come.

I don’t know what lies for me in the future. I am not anymore praying that our love story will have another chapter. I have already accepted the fact that he is not mine and that he is already happy with his family. What I am praying now is for me to find healing and forgiveness. I pray that I can forgive him for all the pains he brought into my life. I pray that I can forgive myself from loving an unworthy man. I pray that I can still give myself a chance to love again. I pray that one day I can say that love really conquers all.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY Sir Kiko and Ma'am Shawie! May God continue to bless your family. :)